


The Language of the Fanfic

by iFanClover



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Fanfic inside a fanfic, Kinda, OOC, Some Words are Replacing Others Because Reasons, Storytelling, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 01:23:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16776799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iFanClover/pseuds/iFanClover
Summary: Natsuki convinces Cecil to recite his newest work of literature to STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT.





	The Language of the Fanfic

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, as a note, I’m gonna translate some of the stuff said here:
> 
> owo - dick  
> uwu - ass  
> white pee - cum  
> literally anything that sounds like it replaces “fuck” - fuck  
> something that sounds like masturbating - masturbating
> 
> Okay, have fun :3

Cecil scribbles down the last few words he needed on the paper in front of him. After five minutes of sitting in one spot, his creation has been completed. He jumps up in joy and rushes out of the bathroom stall.

The first person he meets is Natsuki washing his hands in on of the sinks. He looks up to face the mirror and says, “Oh, hello, Cecil-kun!”

“Hi, Natsuki,” Cecil greets back. He stands in place for a moment.

Natsuki dries his hands off. “What’s with the papers in your hand?”

Cecil brings the sheets of paper up. “These? It’s just some story I’ve been writing.”

Natsuki tilts his head. “Fanfiction?”

Cecil looks up immediately, flustered from ear to ear. His body tenses up. “Wh-What?? No!! It’s not that at all!!” He then remembers that basically everyone in STARISH knows that he writes it in his free time because Ren decided to be a dirty sneak and plow through his personal belongings like a–

Whoops. Can’t say that word.

He relaxes his posture and avoids Natsuki’s gaze out of embarrassment. “Yes, it’s fanfiction. . .” he mutters.

“Wow!! That’s so cool!” Natsuki gushes. “May you please read it to me?”

“Read?” Cecil clutches his scattered fanfic close to his chest. “I’ve never read any of my fanfi–stories in front of anyone before.”

“It’s okay, Cecil-kun.” Natsuki gently takes a hold of Cecil’s hand. “I don’t think anyone will judge you over this.”

Cecil feels a wet liquid trickle down his legs. “U-Um, please excuse me!!” He pushes Natsuki out of the way and rushes back into the stall he was hiding in.

~~~~~

The event is taking place in the same room used during their conversation with Otoya’s sniffing problems. That was what Natsuki told him. So now, he needs to practice reciting his story. Luckily, Camus’ schedule isn’t overflowing like the cu–

Wait. Can’t use that either.

After the quick reading, Cecil looks up from his fanfic to see Camus just staring at him in confusion.

“Wh-What did I just listen to??” he asks, mostly directed to himself. “OwO? UwU?? I’m??? Confused????”

“Confuwused,” Cecil replies, not really helping the situation.

Camus begins to laugh in a way that doesn’t have any hint of good intentions in it at all. “Maybe if I drown myself in sugar, I’ll be able to tolerate it better!” He stands up. “Y-Yeah!! That’s it! Just gotta find some sugar first. . .” He slowly and shakily leaves the room, muttering to himself.

Cecil watches his senpai leave. He looks back down at his fanfiction. “I think that went pretty well!” he says with glee. He walks out and towards the room where he will become the star of the show.

~~~~~

“Cecil-kun! You’re here!” Natsuki runs over to Cecil and hugs him. “I brought more people to listen to your story! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find Myu-chan-senpai anywhere.”

“Don’t worry, he’s coming,” Cecil says.

Just when he says those four words, Camus breaks the door down and screams. His hair is a fucking mess.

Cecil stares at Camus, then turns back to Natsuki. “I told you.”

Natsuki runs over to Camus, very concerned. “Myu-chan-senpai! Are you okay?”

“HahahahhaHAHAHAHahahahhaaaaaaa. . .” Camus chuckles, his pupils constantly changing size. “The sugar is TINGLing ThroUGh my BoDY!!”

“Don’t worry, he’s okay,” Cecil answers for Camus.

“NO HE IS NOT!!!” Ranmaru screams from behind his chair. “HE HAS HAD TOO MUCH SUGAR AT THIS POINT!!!”

“ShuT Up yOU bAnaNA FUckER!!!” Camus shrieks, falls over, faceplants, and laughs.

Reiji gets up and hurriedly pulls Camus into his chair. Then, he pulls out some tape and wraps it around Camus to secure him in place. And then he wraps Camus up again, this time in bubble wrap. “Safety first,” Reiji mutters with a worried smile.

“So, I guess we’re ready to start?” Cecil asks Natsuki.

“I do hope so.” Natsuki trots back to his seat. “Let’s stay quiet and listen to the story, everyone!”

Masato sinks down a little bit before fixing his posture. “I hope this isn’t like that ‘drama’ Jinguji and I had to star in.”

“Oh, trust me: this one’s worse,” Cecil replies, his “:3” face never changing. “This story is called ‘I Now Know Why the Walls are Painted White’.”

+++++

_Otoya unbends his back as he looks down at his sniffterpiece. Syo lies on the bed under him, shirtless with everything that Otoya loves the smell of smeared together on his six pack._

+++++

“At least Cecil knows how I look,” Syo says proudly, leaning back in his chair. “Although, I don’t know about being a piece of, uh, ‘art’.”

“Sniffterpiece, huh?” Otoya ponders. “I really like how that sounds!! Is it okay if I use the word too?”

“Sure, go ahead,” Cecil replies, going back to his story. 

+++++

_“Wow, Syo,” Otoya says, “you smell amazing!!”_

_“If we go any longer, I think my owo is going to fall off,” Syo mutters._

_“I guess Nacchan wouldn’t mind that, especially since his uwu seemed to have a crazy infection with Syo-tan’s owo!” Reiji-senpai says, popping out from in between Syo’s legs._

_“Okay, what the fruit?!” Syo slams his legs together, popping Reiji-senpai’s head off._

+++++

“AAAAAHH!!!” Reiji screams, already in Ranmaru and Ai’s arms. “Wh-What?? What did I do to deserve that?!”

“What was the purpose of that censored curse?” Ren asks. “You’ve written them out completely on paper.”

“I’m not allowed to say bad words,” Cecil answers. “Mama told me that it was bad and the Muses would smite me from just a simple nibble of one.”

“It’S MUmBlE yOu dUmBAss fUcK!” Camus sputters before his words turn into jumbled laughter.

The rest of STARISH lean far away from Camus.

“I am concerned for his health,” Tokiya mutters.

“Um, which one?” Masato asks him.

“All of them.”

+++++

_Otoya runs after Reiji-senpai’s head. But before he could, Ai-senpai opens the door with the real Reiji-senpai right behind him and picks up the head himself. “So this is where the fetus robot went,” Ai comments. “I guess I still need to add a few more tweaks to it.” Then, he throws it on the ground and stomps on it until it’s nothing but tiny metal pieces of Reiji-senpai._

_“I would say ‘ouch’, but I’m actually pretty glad the demon child is dead,” Reiji-senpai says with a smile._

+++++

“Demon child?” Ai raises his left eyebrow high enough for it to not fall off his face. Unfortunately, it ended up popping off anyway.

Reiji, now back in his seat, grins happily. “Hooray for the death of the demon child that looked. . . like. . . me. . .” He falls silent.

Ranmaru sits in between them, Ai’s eyebrow smack on his right cheek. “Just get on with the story, Cecil. I need to go slap some bass soon.”

“Oki doki.”

+++++

_“Nice save, Ai-senpai!!” Otoya exclaims, bringing up Ai-senpai’s hand to high-five. “Although, you didn’t have to beat it to dust.”_

_“I didn’t need to,” Ai-senpai says, “but I wanted to.”_

_Reiji then notices the white glob on Ai’s cheek. “Hey, um, Ai-Ai? What’s that?” he asks, pointing to it._

_Ai-senpai stands still for a minute, then slowly brings up his hand, takes a small bit off, and stares at it for another minute. He looks up and turns towards Reiji-senpai. “It’s. . .” Ai-senpai mumbles. “It’s cow’s milk.”_

_“That’s some chunky cow’s milk, then,” Reiji-senpai replies._

+++++

“That’s not cow’s milk, isn’t it?” Syo asks Cecil in a “please don’t go where I think you’re going” manner.

“I dunno,” Cecil responds.

Masato takes a deep breath, stands up, then sits back down in a very funky way. “Don’t worry,” he assures, “just getting comfortable.”

Syo covers his face with his hands. “Cecil, I fucking swear to God. . .” he says, but his words are muffled out.

+++++

_Otoya grabs Ai-senpai’s hand by the wrist and brings it over. He sniffs the white stuff very hard. “That doesn’t smell like cow’s milk, Ai-senpai. It smells more like Ranmaru-senpai after he exits the bathroom stall he was in with a face as red as, uh, my eyes.”_

_Ai-senpai’s eyes flicker “FU” on his right and “CK” on his left as he tries to pull his hand back._

_But, Reiji-senpai takes it instead. “Really now?” He licks the white glob off Ai-senpai’s finger and smacks his lips a couple of times. “Yep, tastes like him too.”_

_“What?”_

_“What?”_

_“What?”_

_Syo finishes cleaning himself off and finally joins the group. “I heard the possibility of Ranmaru-senpai trying to pull his owo off in the bathroom. What the freedom of speech is going on?”_

+++++

“Okay, first of all,” Ranmaru leans forward in his seat, “I do not jack off in the public bathrooms.”

“So, you’re not denying that you masturbate in your own bathroom??” Ren asks, genuinely curious.

“I am not answering that.” Ranmaru leans back in his seat. “Carry on.”

+++++

_“Ai Ai has Ran Ran’s white pee on his face,” Reiji-senpai answers._

+++++

Syo jumps out of his chair. “I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!” he screams.

“Translator’s Note:” Ren begins to say, “‘white pee’ is actually ‘cum’.”

“Thanks, I didn’t need that,” Tokiya mutters.

Masato curls up into a ball and shudders

Natsuki turns to Syo.

“Hey, Syo-cha–“

“NO THANK YOU NATSUKI!!!”

+++++

_“Strangely enough,” Otoya ponders the scent, “it smells a lot like the paint on the walls.” He walks over to one wall and sniffs deeply. “Yep, that’s the same scent.”_

_“Otoya,” Syo says, “literally, what the fresh quail juice.”_

_“The reason why the walls smell like white pee is because it is white pee,” Ai-senpai reveals._

+++++

Otoya stands up, walks to the wall, and sniffs it. He returns with disappointment on his face.

“I’d be disappointed too if I found out my extracts were being used as decor,” Ren says. “Although, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

“You’re correct on that part,” Masato replies, “because that sounds absolutely horrifying.”

+++++

_Otoya, Syo, and Reiji-senpai all stare at Ai-senpai._

_“It’s the truth,” Ai-senpai confirms._

_“B-But, why??” Reiji-senpai asks him._

_“Simple: I had too many buckets full of white pee–half from the owos and the other being drained out of many uwus–that I couldn’t keep any more in my experimental lab,” Ai-senpai explains. “So, I use them to paint the walls. It took many layers to get it to the perfect white.”_

_“O-Oh. . .”_

_Reiji-senpai silently pushes Otoya and Syo out of the room and closes the door, leaving Ai-senpai alone._

_Ai-senpai looks around and notices a very tiny detail. “Oh, I missed a spot.”_

+++++

“The End,” Cecil concludes. He scans the crowd, proud of the silent reaction he’s received. “Wow, you all look exactly how I pictured! That means I did a good job!” He takes a bow and skips out of the room.

Camus, who’s now beginning to sober up a bit, chuckles darkly. “Now you all know how I felt when I first heard it. Also, can someone please untie me from this very uncomfortable cage?”


End file.
